Beautifully Unique Sparkleponies: On Myths, Morons, Free Speech, Football, and Assorted Absurdities

Chris Kluwe

Jun 2013 · Hachette+ORM

About this ebook

Hi. In your hands, right now, you hold the culmination of thousands of years of human intelligence, ingenuity, and brilliance. Now put your goddamn phone down and pay attention to my book.

What is in my book, you ask? (I'm really glad you asked, by the way, because now I get to tell you.)

Time travel. Gay marriage. Sportsballing. Futuristic goggles that DO NOTHING.

Tiny brags from my publisher, stuff like: "This is an uproarious, uncensored take on empathy, personal responsibility, and what it means to be human."

Excessive brags about myself: "An extraordinarily clever, punishingly funny, sharp-tongued blogosphere star, NFL player, husband and father, one-time violin prodigy, voracious lifetime reader, obsessive gamer, and fearless champion of personal freedom."

Oh, and also an essay on the Pope's Twitter account. Honestly, if that doesn't draw you in, there's no hope left for humanity. I also give my own funeral eulogy, in case you were hoping I'd go away and die now!

So please, join me in the glorious art of windmill tilting by reading this "collection of rousing, uncensored personal essays, letters, and stories" (I have no idea why that's in quotes).

Join the herd of Beautifully Unique Sparkleponies.

(You know you want to.)

Ratings and reviews

Over and over I found myself speed reading through essays (chapters) because I'd just read something so similar seconds before. He writes well enough, knows how to use a thesaurus, and has some truly wonderful thoughts and points. Originality was just not a huge player in this game. I genuinely enjoyed reading the book about halfway through. Then it became my "bathroom book" because I realized I was going to be reading the same thing all over again. I eventually finished, in the bathroom and the book.

I knew from his previous essays and Twitter that Chris Kluwe is more than just a football player and activist. What I didn't expect was the heartfelt, funny and spot-on summation of so many of the contents of my own head. The man is fearless but also caring. So far away from the stereotypical jock mentality one would expect from an NFL player. Kluwe is actually somebody I'd like to know, though I'll settle for having him as an ally who I'll likely never meet.

I learned of Chris Kluwe's book just this afternoon, listening to his interview on NPR. I have pre-ordered his book, and I'm looking forward to it becoming available. I don't know if I can return to this review and add more commentary, but if I can, I will.

About the author

Chris Kluwe grew up in Southern California among a colony of wild chinchillas and didn't learn how to communicate outside of barking and howling until he was fourteen years old. He has played football in the NFL, once wrestled a bear for a pot of gold, and lies occasionally. He is also the eternal disappointment of his mother, who just can't understand why he hasn't cured cancer yet. Do you know why these bio things are in third person? I have no idea. Please tell me if you figure it out.