How to Kill Monsters Using Common Household Items

Permuted Press
2
Free sample

 The human race is an endangered species. Vampires, werewolves, Bigfoot, and killer robots – they’re all trying to kill us. Killer robots even have the word “killer” in their name. Can it get more obvious? We need to rid the world of these monsters before they rid the world of us. All of them. But these monsters aren’t real, right? Wrong, and you’re dead.

These creatures wander the periphery of our reality, waiting for a moment of weakness, and then attack while we’re home alone in our underwear. “How to Kill Monsters Using Common Household Items” is a guidebook on how to rid your life of these monsters before they kill you, so sharpen that machete and gas up the weed whacker, folks.

Each chapter contains:

·      How to identify the monster

·      Who’s going to help you kill it

·      Your arsenal and where to keep it (kitchen, bathroom, living room, garage, etc.).

·      Behavior of the monster while you’re trying to kill it

·      Disposing of the body

·      Monster powers

·      Monster weaknesses

·      How to avoid the monster

“How to Kill Monsters Using Common Household Items” is a must have home defense guide for the do-it-yourself slayer. After using this book, you too can understand that setting gnomes on fire with a Bic lighter and a can of Aqua Net is funny.

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About the author

 Jason Offutt has been a newspaper reporter, magazine editor, sports photographer, bartender, farmhand, and the mayor of a Midwest small town. He teaches college journalism in Northwest Missouri where he keeps the world safe from the forces of evil. His books include the novel “A Funeral Story,” and the nonfiction titles, “Haunted Missouri,” “Darkness Walks: The shadow people among us,” “What Lurks Beyond: The paranormal in your backyard,” “Paranormal Missouri,” and “Across A Corn-Swept Land: An epic beer run through the Upper Midwest.”

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4.5
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Additional Information

Publisher
Permuted Press
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Published on
Jan 13, 2015
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Pages
127
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ISBN
9781618684349
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Language
English
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Genres
Fiction / Black Humor
Fiction / Humorous
Humor / Form / Parodies
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Content Protection
This content is DRM protected.
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Read Aloud
Available on Android devices
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Caleb was an average guy with average guy problems. He never seemed to have enough money, he hated his job, and he hated his live-in girlfriend. He felt trapped and he didn't know what to do. Everyone needs a little help once in a while.

Coming home late from work on a Saturday night to his inebriated girlfriend was the last thing in his life he needed. After yet another blowout fight, he escapes to the home of his two best friends. Spending his last $41 on cheap beer, cigarettes and a lottery ticket seemed like a great reason to drink himself into a coma.

Upon his return the following morning to his apartment, with a hangover riding shotgun, he discovers that his girlfriend has packed up and left him. His best girl-friend, Delaney, decides to take him out for brunch to cheer him up. During so, he discovers a new fortune that awaits him: He won the lottery.

So an average guy is now thrown into a not-so-average lifestyle. While learning to balance his new fortune and old life, new challenges are dropped at his feet. He rarely makes the best decisions and ends up alienating his best friends, his closest girl-friend, and his family. Throughout his short "spiritual" journey he tries to understand himself, women, and the meaning of life.



A Lot of Life is a fun read with elements of dark humor. It explores some of the "what ifs" some of us have fantasized about, if we ever won the lottery. It tackles issues of self-esteem, spirituality, carnal hunger, and excessive gluttony in life. I'm not sure how many of us would do the right thing when presented with some hedonistic options. Caleb is just another guy in his strange new world.




Keywords: Fiction, Literary Fiction, Contemporary Fiction, Humor, Adult Humor, Dark Humor, Lottery, Lottery Winner
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