The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter--And How to Make the Most of Them Now

Meg Jay

Apr 2012 · Sold by Twelve

About this ebook

The Defining Decade has changed the way millions of twentysomethings think about their twenties—and themselves. Revised and reissued for a new generation, let it change how you think about you and yours.

Our "thirty-is-the-new-twenty" culture tells us the twentysomething years don't matter. Some say they are an extended adolescence. Others call them an emerging adulthood. In The Defining Decade, Meg Jay argues that twentysomethings have been caught in a swirl of hype and misinformation, much of which has trivialized the most transformative time of our lives.

Drawing from more than two decades of work with thousands of clients and students, Jay weaves the latest science of the twentysomething years with behind-closed-doors stories from twentysomethings themselves. The result is a provocative read that provides the tools necessary to take the most of your twenties, and shows us how work, relationships, personality, identity and even the brain can change more during this decade than at any other time in adulthood—if we use the time well.

Also included in this updated edition: 

• Up-to-date research on work, love, the brain, friendship, technology, and fertility
• What a decade of device use has taught us about looking at friends—and looking for love—online
• 29 conversations to have with your partner—or to keep in mind as you search for one
• A social experiment in which "digital natives" go without their phones
• A Reader's Guide for book clubs, classrooms, or further self-reflection

Ratings and reviews

Very insightful, I'd say some chapters and passages are a necessary read for anyone 18-29. Helped me immensely. I took copious notes. But her writing style does occasionally leave something to be desired. She mixes in a bit too much of the dramatic voice at times, and makes some of the true stories feel somewhat less true, but more kitschy and exaggerated, if not downright fictional. So much "bursting into tears". But overall, The Defining Decade is easily a contender for the definite leader in its class.

The book is good, although short. The advise is sound although it is slightly contradictory that the author has immediately gone to have fun, earn identity capital immediately after graduation yet the advise given is to play a steady path. The author has gotten away with four years of adventure, now tenured. Perhaps the key is that Meg here has committed strongly to her adventure and also got lucky ( with a lot of hard work) to her current position. Interesting that creative goals tend to result in less happy graduates after a few years, perhaps because capitalism; once one is making money there is some (limited) opportunity to be creative.

This book is filled with relatable stories and discussions on how most millennials feel, whether they fit into the ones putting off things until they are thirty, or the professional young adults dealing with the stress of the work place. Falling into the latter I found it hard to connect with the book in the beginning since I never went through putting college off nor was my career focus frayed. But the later chapters really put me in focus of how I felt at work and that it was normal and will pass.

About the author

Meg Jay, PhD, is a Clinical Psychologist and an Associate Professor of Human Development at the University of Virginia who specializes in twentysomethings. She earned a doctorate in clinical psychology and in gender studies from the University of California, Berkeley. Her books, The Defining Decade and Supernormal, have been translated into more than a dozen languages and her work has appeared in the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Harvard Business Review and on NPR and BBC. Her TED talk "Why 30 is Not the New 20" is among the most watched to date.