I'd Like to Play Alone, Please: Essays

Tom Segura

Jun 2022 · Sold by Grand Central Publishing

About this ebook

A #2 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER

From a massively successful stand-up comedian and co-host of chart-topping podcasts “2 Bears 1 Cave” and “Your Mom’s House,” hilarious real-life stories of parenting, celebrity encounters, youthful mistakes, misanthropy, and so much more. 
 
Tom Segura is known for his twisted takes and irreverent comedic voice. But after a few years of crazy tours and churning out podcasts weekly, all while parenting two young children, he desperately needs a second to himself. It’s not that he hates his friends and family — he’s not a monster — he’s just beat, which is why his son’s (ruthless) first full sentence, “I’d like to play alone, please,” has since become his mantra. 
 
In this collection of stories, Tom combines his signature curmudgeonly humor with a revealing look at some of the ridiculous situations that shaped him and the ludicrous characters who always seem to seek him out. The stories feature hilarious anecdotes about Tom's time on the road, including some surreal encounters with celebrities at airports; his unfiltered South American family; the trials and tribulations of parenting young children with bizarrely morbid interests; and, perhaps most memorably, experiences with his dad who, like any good Baby Boomer father, loves to talk about his bowel movements and share graphic Vietnam stories at inappropriate moments. All of this is enough to make anyone want some peace and quiet. 
 
I’D LIKE TO PLAY ALONE, PLEASE will have readers laughing out loud and nodding in agreement with Segura's message: in a world where everyone is increasingly insane, sometimes you just need to be alone.  

Ratings and reviews

A good look into the life and mind of Tom Segura. Definitely an entertaining read. I laughed through out is pages. I also drew some good insights into the process of becoming a successful entertainer. The book definitely gives the comedian approachability. I recommend this book for lovers of comedy, and of course fans of Segura.

I was out investigating a possible cop that needed a stamp when I found this book outside the Falcon Car Wash. So I did what any reasonable person would do. I went and picked up a succulent Chinese meal, grabbed a 6 pack (for when I got home, don't drink and drive, don't do it it's bad) Got home here now, popped 10-12 benadryl, after about 10 minutes I heard a voice saying, "you need to read this, right now right now right now right now" So figured I'd wait to write my weekly email to the Daniacs and read it. I needed no distractions, so I told my roommate (my uncle Terry) to keep it down with his reviews because I needed full concentration. After reading, I knew I had to leave this review. Definitely 10 outta 10! This one keeps it high and tight!

My jeans are high and tight! Best book ever love listening to while working. Garth give Tom full unrestricted. Love you Mommies

About the author

Tom Segura is a comedian originally from Cincinnati, Ohio. Well known for his Netflix specials Ball Hog, Disgraceful, Completely Normal, and Mostly Stories, Segura has also made feature film appearances that include Instant Family, Countdown, Flinch, and The Opening Act, among others. Tom is one of the top selling touring acts in the world, having sold hundreds of thousands of tickets on multiple international tours. Additionally, he co-hosts two of the most popular comedy podcasts, "Your Mom's House," with his wife, comedian Christina P. and "Two Bears, One Cave" with fellow comedian Bert Kreischer. Segura also producers multiple podcasts under his YMH Studios brand.