How Do You Hug a Cactus? Reflective Parenting with Teenagers in Mind

Sheila Redfern

mar 2024 · Taylor & Francis

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Have you ever wondered what’s going on in your teenager’s mind? This engaging book will give you the tools to understand just that to ultimately help you keep the close connection you both need during these tricky years.

Following on from her acclaimed book for parents of younger children, Sheila Redfern brings the reflective parenting model to parents of teenagers. Teenagers can be experienced as prickly and hard to get close to – like a cactus – but Dr. Redfern shows us how this stage of your child's life can be more enjoyable and connected than you'd imagined. Rather than focusing on their behaviours, this book emphasises how we can teach teenagers to manage their feelings and relationships in safe ways. It advocates theories underpinning reflective parenting – mentalizing, attachment and neuroscience – as essential for building resilience and security in young people, which is crucial through the storm and stress of adolescence. Chapters are filled with everyday, relatable scenarios and practical advice on pressing issues such as self-harm, social media and gaming, risk and ASD. There is also a chapter devoted to adoptive parents and foster carers.

This practical guide aims to help readers become more reflective and available as parents and understand what might be in their teenager’s head. It also serves as an essential resource for clinicians working with families.

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Sheila Redfern, PhD, is a consultant clinical child and adolescent psychologist at Anna Freud, London and the director of Redfern Psychology. She has worked with children, adolescents and their caregivers in mental health settings for thirty years. She is a parent to three boys.