Here are stories of growing up and learning about life -- usually the hard way! From disastrous haircuts and color jobs to fashion or verbal faux pas committed, from the kiss wished for but never gotten to the one that should have been skipped, these are the moments that mark each of our journeys from what we thought back then to what we now know. Since to say that Youth is wasted on the Young has got to be the understatement of all time, it falls upon Browne, as one older and wiser, to take a "Hit and Run" down Memory Lane for the sake of offering "Asset-Preserving Tips," with astonishing disclosures about:
Why women have risked their lives just to get a little bit blonder How the muumuu has been fashionably resurrected as the "patio dress" Why it's important to always have a good photo of yourself on hand -- just in case How, no matter what skin you're in, to make it last a lifetime Why you can never trust anyone over eighty-five
--San Francisco Examiner
For thousands of years, women have asked themselves: What is the deal with guys, anyway? What are they thinking? The answer, of course, is: virtually nothing. Deep down inside, guys are extremely shallow.
But that has not stopped Dave Barry from writing an entire book about them. If you're a guy--or if you're attempting to share a remote control with one--you need this book, because it deals frankly and semi-thoroughly with such important guy issues as:
The role of guys in world history, including the heretofore-unknown relationship between the discovery of North America and golf
Why the average guy can remember who won the 1960 World Series, but not necessarily the names of all his children
The Noogie Gene
Why guys cannot simultaneously think and look at breasts
Secret guy orgasm-delaying techniques, including the Margaret Thatcher Method
Why guys prefer to believe that there is no such thing as a prostate
And much, much more
"Whether you're a guy--or attempting to share a bathroom with one--Barry has some wacky words of wisdom for you."
From the Trade Paperback edition.
Your girlfriend dumped you, your car broke down, your boss passed you up for the big promotion. Life’s not fair, but there is one sure-fire way to ease your pain–laughing at someone else who had an even worse day than you did.
Enter the devastatingly funny world of F My Life, where calamity is comedy. Covering every disastrous pratfall in love, work, family-life, and more, F My Life proffers other people’s ruinous, real-life happenings to brighten your gloomiest day: someone getting dumped through a greeting card, ignored at their birthday party, or insulted by their own grandmother. Spanning everything from ironic twists of fate to down-right shameful moments, F My Life’s squirm-inducing stories are schadenfreude at its finest. So today, take solace in knowing that at least you’re not that guy. There now, don’t you feel better?
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I cried and told him that I loved him. He gave me a quarter and told me to call someone who cared. I threw the quarter in his face and ran. I waited for the bus, but when I got on, I realized I was 25 cents short of the fare. I walked home in the rain.
Today, my mom walked in on me looking at a 1978 Playboy. She asked if I found it in the basement. I said yes. Then I realized she was the centerfold.
Today, I got in line at the grocery store. The woman in front of me looked right at me, turned to her friend, and said “That reminds me, I forgot to get acne cream.”
From the Trade Paperback edition.
In How to Tell a Woman by Her Handbag, Eisman cleverly contends that fashions come and go, but a woman's handbag is eternal, forever revealing her nature--and just maybe her secrets. With forensic precision and cutting wit, Eisman helps women identify their own handbag personas as well as those of family, friends, and foes.
Thanks to How to Tell a Woman by Her Handbag, the next time you rub shoulders with Canvas Tote Lady or Decrepit Briefcase Lady or even Bamboo Cane Handle Lady, you'll be able to discern just what makes her tick. But you'll also recognize the bond common to women the world over--we're all bag ladies!
Not sure how to tell when you’re about to reach that fun sixtieth birthday?
Here are some clues:
WebMD is your home page
When asked, “Who’s your doctor?” you have to reply, “Which one?”
An outbreak of acne makes you feel like a teenager again
At your class reunion, you note with satisfaction that the captain of the football team wears a hearing aid
The meadows where you sowed your wild oats are now shopping malls
That empty seat on the bus has your name on it
Your pharmacist greets you with “What’ll it be, pal?”
Getting older is not only fun . . . it’s funny! And with You Know You’re 60 When . . ., you’ll be laughing as you go kicking and screaming over the hill, happily clutching your chest!
From the Trade Paperback edition.
so I could push you out of my loftbed while you were sleeping."
Satirical and sharp, downtown New York City performance artist Anita Liberty reinvents self-help as she skewers her ex-boyfriend in this hilarious, hip, and audaciously candid collection of advice, poems, and diary entries.
"I thought you were a gifted and tortured artist.
I was wrong.
About the gifted part.
And the artist part."
From romantic bliss to brutal breakup, from heartache to healing, this fierce, funny, and ultimately liberating homage to being "dumped" rips off the stiff upper lip in favor of a red-hot therapy of wit, wisdom, rage, and redemption. And now, a few words from Anita Liberty . . .
Lowering my standards.
So you can meet them."
"You're a bad habit.
I want to kick you.
From the Paperback edition.
Though he grew up in a large Irish-Catholic family, Jim was satisfied with the nomadic, nocturnal life of a standup comedian, and was content to be "that weird uncle who lives in an apartment by himself in New York that everyone in the family speculates about." But all that changed when he married and found out his wife, Jeannie "is someone who gets pregnant looking at babies."
Five kids later, the comedian whose riffs on everything from Hot Pockets to Jesus have scored millions of hits on YouTube, started to tweet about the mistakes and victories of his life as a dad. Those tweets struck such a chord that he soon passed the million followers mark. But it turns out 140 characters are not enough to express all the joys and horrors of life with five kids, so hes' now sharing it all in Dad Is Fat.
From new parents to empty nesters to Jim's twenty-something fans, everyone will recognize their own families in these hilarious takes on everything from cousins ("celebrities for little kids") to growing up in a big family ("I always assumed my father had six children so he could have a sufficient lawn crew") to changing diapers in the middle of the night ("like The Hurt Locker but much more dangerous") to bedtime (aka "Negotiating with Terrorists").
Dad is Fat is sharply observed, explosively funny, and a cry for help from a man who has realized he and his wife are outnumbered in their own home.