It Wasn't Your Fault: Freeing Yourself from the Shame of Childhood Abuse with the Power of Self-Compassion

Beverly Engel

Jan 2015 · New Harbinger Publications

About this ebook

Shame is one of the most destructive of human emotions. If you suffered childhood physical or sexual abuse, you may experience such intense feelings of shame that it almost seems to define you as a person. In order to begin healing, it’s important for you to know that it wasn’t your fault. In this gentle guide, therapist and childhood abuse expert Beverly Engel presents a mindfulness and compassion-based therapeutic approach to help you overcome the debilitating shame that keeps you tied to the past. By following the step-by-step exercises in this book, you’ll gain a greater understanding of the root cause of your shame. And by cultivating compassion toward yourself, you will begin to heal and move past your painful experiences. Recent studies show that trauma survivors, particularly those with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) resulting from abuse, can greatly benefit from incorporating elements of self-compassion into their treatment. Furthermore, the practice of self-compassion has been shown to decrease PTSD symptoms, including, self-criticism, thought suppression, and rumination. This book is based on the author’s powerful and effective Compassion Cure program. With this book, you will develop the skills needed to finally put a stop the crippling self-blame that keeps you from moving on and being happy. You’ll learn to focus on your strengths, your courage, and your extraordinary ability to survive. Most of all, you’ll learn to replace shame with its counter emotion—pride.

Ratings and reviews

This is life changing; It was extreamely validating, Ive been climbing out of my parents abuse trying to support myself running away every chance I got; the only trouble was a dark cloud of shame would follow me around and I kept screwing up and having to start over. Now I see why. I was about 80% at best recovered from my own post trauma when I read this; because of this I feel like I can finally acheive that whole 100% recovery. My IQ and aspiration to question and challenge everything and understand it all from the outside looking in gave me the 80% but just because I analysed all that didnt mean I fully understood it; now that I have read this book I fully understand myself/ my parents / and were to go from here. Its too bad I had not found this book sooner. Im 25, and I had to disown my father because he sexually abused a renter he intentionally tried to set me up with and threw it in my face that he did so because he felt I deserved it for being a disrespectful punk. After I cleaned up his secondary rental house and reconstructed his in ground concrette pool. He crossed the line and thanks to this book I have the power to survive this trauma and all the traumas before. Thank you so much Beverly; You have helped me restore the sanity I have so desperatly clawed my way back to on my own... You helped me the rest of the way.. Thank you so much.

Very educational....and learned so much. my husband has a hard time reading. She does a wonderful job and very easy to understand. I'll be reading again. thank you

This is the first book I have ever read that explains who I am and why I am so uptight and angry. I don't reflect on what I have achieved. I face every day as a new day and I make the same mistakes over and over again.

About the author

Beverly Engel, LMFT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist with over thirty years of experience working primarily with survivors of childhood and adult abuse. She is considered one of the world’s leading experts on emotional abuse recovery and is author of twenty nonfiction books on the subjects of emotional and sexual abuse recovery, relationship issues, and female empowerment. Her books include The Emotionally Abused Woman, The Emotionally Abusive Relationship, and Healing Your Emotional Self. She has appeared on many national television shows, including Oprah and Starting Over, has appeared on CNN, and was nominated for the Books for a Better Life Award for her powerful book, The Power of Apology.