CONNECTING & DISCONNECTING: … seen as an art
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I was mad.
… and also sad.
I could say that i was actually an emotional cocktail of madness and sadness … but …. I just could not accept it … even if i knew it by few days already.
But like all the ones that studied psychology… into a very deep way … i knew to hide all so damn good.
On the real scene of life … i was always wearing a very nice emotional mask … and no one really knew what is going on into my soul.
But …
Well … randomly… there were situations when i was becoming so furious …. actually acting like a … devil.
It was a total nonsense … but i was keep doing that … letting those daemons from inside of me … to dominate … all i was doing.
And that happened … on and on and on.
Today i was ok … and one day later … all those strong emotions from inside of me … were taking the control over my soul.
I was actually connected to beautiful vibes … then again to negativity.
It was all an emotional balance.
I was connecting… then disconnecting …. then connecting again …
I’ve tried to understand myself … but more i was going deeper and deeper … i’ve felt that i could not accept that i dislike so much … something specific from my reality.
This connecting … disconnecting… story … was actually … a chain reaction.
Not being happy of some of the elements of my life … i was randomly losing control on myself … allowing to …. explode … as a nuclear bomb … destroying all around myself.
I was basically… a person that could be defined as … a good guy.
… but ….
Randomly… allowing those little devils from inside my soul … to dominate the energies beyond the scene of my life … i proved myself to actually be … on and on and on … an idiot.
Only the deep analyzes … done into a freudian style … made me see the fact … that not practicing the honesty … in front of myself … carrying all the time emotional masks that were actually hiding my real emotions … i was always ending up balancing between beautiful and ugly energies.
I had to accept my emotions.
… even to accept that i act like a …. great idiot … but …
I preferred to … hide the truth.
To hide my emotions …
So … i simple continued life … connecting… and disconnecting… to beautiful … but also … ugly energies.
Calificaciones y opiniones
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I’ve started to write my first book at 16 … but then … realizing i could not publish it … i’ve abandoned the idea of being a … writer.
20 years later … i’ve started to write again … believing i will finally succeed … but i’ve failed one more time … not getting the success i was chasing for.
Another 5 years later … i’ve started one more time to write … but this time … more as a therapy.
It’s what i’ve defined as … self therapy.
I was analyzing and defining lots of weird ideas … that were a lot related to me … and my own soul.
I totally forgot that i was chasing for success.
I was simple writing my thoughts … in essays … becoming this way … maybe not a writer …. but what many define as … an essayist.
This is not a poet … and not a writer.
Or maybe is kind of a poet that is incapable of writing poetry … but is still expressing his thoughts … into a similar way … as a poet.
And is not a writer … cause have not the ability to write for too long time … about the same subject.
But maybe i am not an essayist… either.
I am just an ordinary person … that could be better defined … as a thinker.
Analyzing … and defining my life … practicing this process called … self therapy … i started to understand life … and the way to better paths which i should follow.
And i’ve wrote … and wrote … and wrote … realizing one day that i’ve published tens of books …. not really understanding how the hell I’ve succeeded doing that.
Today i dare to recommend writing … as a therapy.
I could even say … it’s a simple way of understanding who we are … but also a process that could help us … heal our souls.
I personally continue to … write.
It’s in fact … a non ending story that … at least for myself … will probably continue for the rest of my life.
But over all … i am glad … i am doing it.
I continue my philosophical journey … not being able to define myself for clear as a writer or an essayist… but …
Well …. most probably… i am on a good path.
And … i would dare to recommend to everyone … all what i am doing today.
