Will I Ever Be Free of You?: How to Navigate a High-Conflict Divorce from a Narcissist and Heal Your Family

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“A compact but thorough guide to successfully handling and surviving a divorce.” —PsychCentral

The bestselling author of Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers draws on her expertise in treating men, women, and children damaged by narcissists in this practical guide to divorce and its aftermath.

Narcissism—a personality disorder that goes beyond mere selfishness and vanity—is a prevalent cause of marital and family problems. Narcissists do not have the capacity to love, understand other people’s emotions, or feel empathy. They are grandiose in their need for praise and attention, they overestimate their abilities, and they diminish people around them with emotional abuse. Being in an intimate relationship with a narcissist destroys your hopes, dreams, and peace of mind and erodes your children’s emotional health and your finances.

Does this sound like what you have to deal with? If you ever look at your partner and wonder in despair if you will ever be free, the answer is yes, you can be.

A leading authority on narcissism, Dr. Karyl McBride offers proven therapeutic advice that will help you protect and nurture yourself and your children through your difficult divorce, from separating from your narcissistic partner and navigating the court system, where a narcissist can be especially destructive, to a restorative healing program of trauma recovery.
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About the author

Karyl McBride, Ph.D., is a licensed marriage and family therapist with more than thirty years of experience in public and private practice, specializing in treatment of trauma. She is a leading authority on narcissism and author of Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers. She is a contributing blogger for Psychology Today, Huffington Post, and her recent book was featured in the New York Times book club. Dr. McBride can also be found online at WillIEverBeGoodEnough.com, KarylMcBridePhD.com, and Facebook.com/DrKarylMcBride.

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Additional Information

Publisher
Simon and Schuster
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Published on
Feb 10, 2015
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Pages
256
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ISBN
9781476755731
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Language
English
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Genres
Family & Relationships / Divorce & Separation
Family & Relationships / Marriage & Long-Term Relationships
Psychology / Psychotherapy / Couples & Family
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Content protection
This content is DRM protected.
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We wrote this book for all who have suffered the devastation of betrayal through marital infidelity by their spouse. It is also for the betrayer who repents, is honest, and works to make things right for the future. It is for both to help them understand that when the past is properly dealt with, then new memories of life can be made to overshadow and outweigh the past bad memories.

This book has been written by two real people who go by “Jack and Jill” in this book. We, Jack and Jill, have been married for 30 years as of our wedding anniversary the year 2013. The 30 years are not continuous due to a few months of living apart which included a divorce due to Jill’s marital unfaithfulness. After 20 years of marriage, Jack learned that Jill had been unfaithful to their marriage vows. Jill told Jack that she was sorry and still loved him, and they worked on their marriage for a while, but Jill had another affair with someone else about six months later. We chose the names “Jack and Jill” due to the children’s’ rhyme about how Jack and Jill went up the hill together and one fell down and the other came tumbling after. In marriage what one spouse does has an effect on the other in ways far exceeding the actions by others in any other type of relationship.

We wrote this book with the hope that if someone is considering having an affair, thus being unfaithful to their spouse and to God, that they will reconsider taking that path once they realize the consequences that their actions will have both for their self and their spouse. We wrote this book to give hope, help, and direction to the betrayed spouse regardless of their or their spouses’ present desires to maintain the marriage relationship. We give guidance to the pair if they decide to stay together and resolve their relationship problems. Some of the issues that we help couples deal with are: the disappointment over the loss of the specialness and uniqueness of the marriage relationship along with the once pure marital bed alongside any inappropriate emotional attachments that were formed during the affair; the why and reasons for the affair and betrayal; forgiveness for the harm caused; and building trust again. Above all else during these times of anguish and despair we counsel people to turn their life and the entire turmoil of events that have occurred over to God.

What’s holding you back from a great marriage?

“I don’t believe in ‘okay,’ ‘decent,’ or ‘solid’ marriages. I’m against them,” says M. Gary Neuman. “I believe only in great marriages, and that you should expect and reach for no less.” In the last fifteen years, M. Gary Neuman, marital therapist and architect of the Sandcastles Divorce Therapy Program, has helped thousands of couples in crisis. Couples who fight. Who’ve grown apart. Who are stuck in relationships that run more on routine and rancor than love and understanding. What he’s found is that, contrary to popular belief, the problem is usually not poor communication. It’s the failure to put most of your focus into your marriage. You’ve only got so much energy. Are you spending it by being emotionally unfaithful?

Take a quick check: Do you send that funny e-mail to your friends at work—but not to your spouse? Do you chew over all the problems on the job so thoroughly with your colleagues that by the time you get home, you just don’t feel like going into it all over again? Do you get a secret thrill out of flirting with coworkers—thinking it’s safe because you know it’s not going any further? If so, you’re committing emotional infidelity—and you’re draining your marriage of the energy it needs to be great. Learning how to break this cycle is one of eleven secrets M. Gary Neuman shares in his provocative new book.

Based on the ten-week program he’s developed in his successful couples counseling practice, the book offers guidelines that are often counterintuitive, even outrageous or shocking. But they work. Dare to limit contact with members of the opposite sex. Dare to need each other. Dare to put in writing the nitty-gritty realities of a marriage plan. Dare to put your marriage before your kids or job. Dare to make love in a whole new way. Dare to change your focus: make the commitment to focus on each of the eleven secrets (ten plus one bonus secret) for one week apiece and you’ll reap the rewards of a transformed marriage and a reconfirmed relationship.

M. Gary Neuman’s program is guaranteed to challenge you and make you reexamine the myths holding you back from true happiness and satisfaction. It will change your marriage forever.
“Potent, accessible tools for your family and your future.” —Gwyneth Paltrow

Marital strife and divorce can be your chance to profoundly transform yourself, your mindset and your relationship with a more harmonious and steady vision. 

While many of us may be better together, some of us can actually become better apart.

What if you emerged from your divorce stronger and more resilient than ever before? Better Apart is the first book to apply the life-changing, healing wisdom of meditation and yoga, combined with practical advice, to help anyone going through the painful and seemingly intractable realities of divorce.

Gabrielle Hartley and Elena Brower are warm and caring guides who can help you compassionately part from your partner. Whether your separation is amicable, or your ex is combative, Better Apart can help you find peace, calm, and hope. Blending practical advice from a legal perspective together with spiritual wisdom, Gabrielle and Elena are experts and realists who have created a simple five-step process that uses original meditations, perspective-shifting exercises, and fresh suggestions to help navigate the common legal and emotional pitfalls of divorce. Don’t worry if you’ve never tried yoga or mediation; Gabrielle’s insight buttressed by Elena’s practices and exercises are accessible for all. Together, they show you how to meaningfully shift your mindset and to move forward though any—or all—parts of this emotionally fraught process.

Better Apart radically reframes the way couples experience, execute, and recover from when “for better or worse” is no longer an option, and helps you find the road to a new mindset and better life.

Aimed at daughters experiencing the emotional abuse of narcissistic mothers, Will I Ever Be Good Enough? helps readers overcome the challenges and reclaim their lives.

The first book for daughters who have suffered the abuse of selfish, self-involved mothers, Will I Ever Be Good Enough? provides the expert assistance you need in order to overcome this debilitating history and reclaim your life. Drawing on more than two decades of experience as a therapist specializing in women’s health and hundreds of interviews with suffering daughters, Dr. Karyl McBride helps you recognize the widespread effects of this emotional abuse and create an individualized program for self-protection, resolution, and complete recovery.

Narcissistic mothers teach their daughters that love is not unconditional, that it is given only when they behave in accordance with maternal expectations and whims. As adults, these daughters have difficulty overcoming feelings of inadequacy, disappointment, emotional emptiness, and sadness. They may also have a fear of abandonment that leads them to form unhealthy romantic relationships, as well as a tendency to perfectionism and unrelenting self-criticism or to self-sabotage and frustration. Dr. McBride’s step-by-step program will enable you to:

(1) Recognize your own experience with maternal narcissism and its effects on all aspects of your life
(2) Discover how you have internalized verbal and nonverbal messages from your mother and how these have translated into overachievement or self-sabotage
(3) Construct a personalized program to take control of your life and enhance your sense of self, establishing healthy boundaries with your mother and breaking the legacy of abuse

Warm and sympathetic, Dr. McBride brings a profound level of authority to Will I Ever Be Good Enough? that encourages and inspires you as it aids your recovery.
Do you know someone who is overly arrogant, shows an extreme lack of empathy, or exhibits an inflated sense of entitlement? Do they exploit others, or engage in magical thinking? These are all traits of narcissistic personality disorder, and when it comes to dealing with narcissists, it can be difficult to get your point across. So how do you handle the narcissistic people in your life? You might interact with them in social or professional settings, and you might even love one—so ignoring them isn’t really a practical solution. They're frustrating, and maybe even intimidating, but ultimately, you need to find a way of communicating effectively with them.

Disarming the Narcissist, Second Edition, will show you how to move past the narcissist's defenses using compassionate, empathetic communication. You'll learn how narcissists view the world, how to navigate their coping styles, and why, oftentimes, it's sad and lonely being a narcissist. By learning to anticipate and avoid certain hot-button issues, you'll be able to relate to narcissists without triggering aggression. By validating some common narcissistic concerns, you'll also find out how to be heard in conversation with a narcissist.

This book will help you learn to meet your own needs while side-stepping unproductive power struggles and senseless arguments with someone who is at the center of his or her own universe. This new edition also includes new chapters on dealing with narcissistic women, aggressive and abusive narcissists, strategies for safety, and the link between narcissism and sex addiction.

Finally, you'll learn how to set limits with your narcissist and when it's time to draw the line on unacceptable behavior.
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