Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers

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The first book specifically for daughters suffering from the emotional abuse of selfish, self-involved mothers, Will I Ever Be Good Enough? provides the expert assistance you need in order to overcome this debilitating history and reclaim your life for yourself. Drawing on over two decades of experience as a therapist specializing in women's psychology and health, psychotherapist Dr. Karyl McBride helpsyou recognize the widespread effects of this maternal emotional abuse and guides you as you create an individualized program for self-protection, resolution, and complete recovery.

An estimated 1.5 million American women have narcissistic personality disorder, which makes them so insecure and overbearing, insensitive and domineering that they can psychologically damage their daughters for life. Daughters of narcissistic mothers learn that maternal love is not unconditional, and that it is given only when they behave in accordance with their mothers' often unreasonable expectations and whims. As adults, these daughters consequently have difficulty overcoming their insecurities and feelings of inadequacy, disappointment, sadness, and emotional emptiness. They may also have a terrible fear of abandonment that leads them to form unhealthy love relationships, as well as a tendency to perfectionism and unrelenting self-criticism, or to self-sabotage and frustration.

Herself the recovering daughter of a narcissistic mother, Dr. McBride includes her personal struggle, which adds a profound level of authority to her work, along with the perspectives of the hundreds of suffering daughters she's interviewed over the years. Their stories of how maternal abuse has manifested in their lives -- as well as how they have successfully overcome its effects -- show you that you're not alone and that you can take back your life and have the control you want.

Dr. McBride's step-by-step program will enable you to:

(1) Recognize your own experience with maternal narcissism and its effects on all aspects of your life
(2) Discover how you have internalized verbal and nonverbal messages from your mother and how these have translated into a strong desire to overachieve or a tendency to self-sabotage
(3) Construct a step-by-step program to reclaim your life and enhance your sense of self, a process that includes creating a psychological separation from your mother and breaking the legacy of abuse. You will also learn how not to repeat your mother's mistakes with your own daughter.

Warm and sympathetic, filled with the examples of women who have established healthy boundaries with their hurtful mothers, Will I Ever Be Good Enough? encourages and inspires you as it aids your recovery.
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About the author

Karyl McBride, Ph.D., is a licensed marriage and family therapist with more than thirty years of experience in public and private practice, specializing in treatment of trauma. She is a leading authority on narcissism and author of Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers. She is a contributing blogger for Psychology Today, Huffington Post, and her recent book was featured in the New York Times book club. Dr. McBride can also be found online at WillIEverBeGoodEnough.com, KarylMcBridePhD.com, and Facebook.com/DrKarylMcBride.

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Additional Information

Publisher
Simon and Schuster
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Published on
Sep 23, 2008
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Pages
272
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ISBN
9781439123232
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Language
English
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Genres
Family & Relationships / Parenting / General
Psychology / Mental Health
Self-Help / Communication & Social Skills
Self-Help / Personal Growth / Happiness
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Content Protection
This content is DRM protected.
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Eligible for Family Library

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Author of the bestseller Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers Dr. Karyl McBride draws on her expertise in treating children and partners damaged by narcissists in this practical new guide to divorce and its aftermath.

With more than three decades of experience as a licensed marriage and family therapist, Dr. McBride guides you through the emotional fallout and challenges of being married to and divorcing a narcissist. The court system assumes that both parties in most high-conflict divorces are at fault, but a narcissist can wreak havoc in the divorce process. Dr. McBride shows how to navigate this kind of divorce and how you and your children can heal afterward.

Written for those considering or already going through divorce, as well as the professionals working with them, Will I Ever Be Free of You? has three parts: Recognizing the Problem, Breaking Free, and Healing from the Debilitating Impact of Narcissistic Relationships. You begin by learning exactly what narcissism is, how to identify it, and how it affects relationships, then how to begin and carry on through a divorce and make the best decisions for you and your children. Dr. McBride lays out a roadmap of trauma recovery for the whole family, offering a step-by-step program for recognizing and healing from the particular emotional damage that narcissism causes.

This guide offers new therapeutic strategies and practical guidance for protecting yourself and your children through this difficult time.
Available for the first time in the United States, this international bestseller reveals the secrets of nonverbal communication to give you confidence and control in any face-to-face encounter—from making a great first impression and acing a job interview to finding the right partner.

It is a scientific fact that people’s gestures give away their true intentions. Yet most of us don’t know how to read body language– and don’t realize how our own physical movements speak to others. Now the world’s foremost experts on the subject share their techniques for reading body language signals to achieve success in every area of life.

Drawing upon more than thirty years in the field, as well as cutting-edge research from evolutionary biology, psychology, and medical technologies that demonstrate what happens in the brain, the authors examine each component of body language and give you the basic vocabulary to read attitudes and emotions through behavior.

Discover:
• How palms and handshakes are used to gain control
• The most common gestures of liars
• How the legs reveal what the mind wants to do
• The most common male and female courtship gestures and signals
• The secret signals of cigarettes, glasses, and makeup
• The magic of smiles–including smiling advice for women
• How to use nonverbal cues and signals to communicate more effectively and get the reactions you want

Filled with fascinating insights, humorous observations, and simple strategies that you can apply to any situation, this intriguing book will enrich your communication with and understanding of others–as well as yourself.
Are You A Highly Sensitive Person?

Do you have a keen imagination and vivid dreams? Is time alone each day as essential to you as food and water? Are you "too shy" or "too sensitive" according to others? Do noise and confusion quickly overwhelm you? If your answers are yes, you may be a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP).

Most of us feel overstimulated every once in a while, but for the HSP, it's a way of life. In this groundbreaking book, Dr. Elaine Aron, a clinical psychologist, workshop leader, and an HSP herself, shows you how to identify this trait in yourself and make the most of it in everyday situations. Drawing on her many years of research and hundreds of interviews, she shows how you can better understand yourself and your trait to create a fuller, richer life. Updated with a new Author's Note, including the latest scientific research, and a fresh discussion of anti-depressants for HSPs, this edition of The Highly Sensitive Person also includes:

Self-assessment tests to help you identify your particular sensitivities
Ways to reframe your past experiences in a positive light and gain greater self-esteem in the process
Insight into how high sensitivity affects both work and personal relationships
Tips on how to deal with overarousal
Information on medications and when to seek help
Techniques to enrich the soul and spirit

"Elaine Aron's perceptive analysis of this fundamental dimension of human nature is must reading. Her balanced presentation suggests new paths for making sensitivity a blessing, not a handicap." —Philip G. Zimbardo, author of Shyness

"Enlightening and empowering, this book is a wonderful gift to us all." –Riane Ensler, author of The Chalice and the Blade
Do you know someone who is overly arrogant, shows an extreme lack of empathy, or exhibits an inflated sense of entitlement? Do they exploit others, or engage in magical thinking? These are all traits of narcissistic personality disorder, and when it comes to dealing with narcissists, it can be difficult to get your point across. So how do you handle the narcissistic people in your life? You might interact with them in social or professional settings, and you might even love one—so ignoring them isn’t really a practical solution. They're frustrating, and maybe even intimidating, but ultimately, you need to find a way of communicating effectively with them.

Disarming the Narcissist, Second Edition, will show you how to move past the narcissist's defenses using compassionate, empathetic communication. You'll learn how narcissists view the world, how to navigate their coping styles, and why, oftentimes, it's sad and lonely being a narcissist. By learning to anticipate and avoid certain hot-button issues, you'll be able to relate to narcissists without triggering aggression. By validating some common narcissistic concerns, you'll also find out how to be heard in conversation with a narcissist.

This book will help you learn to meet your own needs while side-stepping unproductive power struggles and senseless arguments with someone who is at the center of his or her own universe. This new edition also includes new chapters on dealing with narcissistic women, aggressive and abusive narcissists, strategies for safety, and the link between narcissism and sex addiction.

Finally, you'll learn how to set limits with your narcissist and when it's time to draw the line on unacceptable behavior.
Author of the bestseller Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers Dr. Karyl McBride draws on her expertise in treating children and partners damaged by narcissists in this practical new guide to divorce and its aftermath.

With more than three decades of experience as a licensed marriage and family therapist, Dr. McBride guides you through the emotional fallout and challenges of being married to and divorcing a narcissist. The court system assumes that both parties in most high-conflict divorces are at fault, but a narcissist can wreak havoc in the divorce process. Dr. McBride shows how to navigate this kind of divorce and how you and your children can heal afterward.

Written for those considering or already going through divorce, as well as the professionals working with them, Will I Ever Be Free of You? has three parts: Recognizing the Problem, Breaking Free, and Healing from the Debilitating Impact of Narcissistic Relationships. You begin by learning exactly what narcissism is, how to identify it, and how it affects relationships, then how to begin and carry on through a divorce and make the best decisions for you and your children. Dr. McBride lays out a roadmap of trauma recovery for the whole family, offering a step-by-step program for recognizing and healing from the particular emotional damage that narcissism causes.

This guide offers new therapeutic strategies and practical guidance for protecting yourself and your children through this difficult time.
「是不是我不夠好,所以媽媽不喜歡我、不愛我?」

其實,這不是妳的錯,只因妳的媽媽有「公主病」……


全美最具影響力、AMAZON讀者近千熱評

第一本!寫給有「公主媽媽」女兒的自癒書

安慰了成千上萬被母愛勒索的女兒心


◆內容介紹◆


▍不管什麼事,只要不順媽媽的意,媽媽就會覺得很受不了……

▍總覺得媽媽好像不瞭解真正的妳……

▍跟媽媽相處時常會有無力感……

▍媽媽很容易受傷,而且不會想去解決問題,寧可長時間記恨。

▍媽媽非常在意別人,比方說親族、朋友、同事的眼光或社會評價。

▍內心深處一直很疑惑:媽媽喜歡我嗎?媽媽愛我嗎?


如果前面所列正是妳的心事,妳的媽媽很可能有自戀型人格。


在日常生活中,我們稱那些傲慢的、只顧自己需要的人為自戀者(Narcissist)。自戀和有自信不一樣。心理學為自戀者歸納出九大人格特質,每一種特質顯露的心態都是「自己才是主角」和「他人不夠好」。與自戀者相處的經驗通常不太好,如果這名自戀者是你的母親,而妳是她的女兒——也就是說,妳的媽媽有公主病,那就更糟了……


●既然媽媽只愛自己,妳何必把「自我價值評分表」交到她手裡?


有公主病的媽媽可能不斷發出這樣的訊息:妳沒有存在的價值。媽媽心中沒有一席之地是留給妳的,最後甚至忽視妳。缺乏實質溫暖的家庭環境足以令妳沒有安全感、身體不健康、或學業成績不好。


公主媽媽也不了解女兒有自己的需求與願望。媽媽不斷提醒妳「她需要」妳做個怎樣的人,卻不曾肯定真實的妳。妳迫切希望贏得她的愛與肯定,於是遵從她的要求,在這樣的過程中,妳遺失了自我……


根據作者的研究,公主病媽媽的女兒往往會發展出(或同時具備)兩種人格特質。


高成就型的女兒看起來就像是「神力女超人」,但她們的產能和成就無法真正帶給她們成就感,或讓她們自在做自己。她們長期處在焦慮之下,不懂得好好照顧自己,也從來不給自己應得的讚譽,總是奮力擺脫「自己不夠好」的感覺。


沒能以高成就證明自己的女兒,可能選擇自暴自棄、將怒氣發洩在自己身上,就像是在對媽媽說:「看到了嗎?我就跟妳說的一樣,沒辦法達到妳要求的標準!」


●妳渴望的愛,不必向母親索取。妳可以學著愛自己!


本書作者凱莉爾‧麥克布萊德博士是家庭治療師。她自己也有受自戀型母親影響的成長背景,並頗受其困擾。根據她的自白,她曾對於自身母女關係不如社會輿論中的溫馨、包容與關愛,而充滿罪惡感和沮喪。


在這本書裡,她以第一人稱的口吻與讀者對話,協助讀者釐清扭曲的母愛對自己、對所處的原生家庭造成了哪些負面影響,挽著讀者的臂膀、協助讀者走出情緒幽谷,邁向新生。


本書收錄超過200則臨床常見的互動與對話,妳將可透過這些實例去了解自己身陷於什麼樣的母女關係中。也許這些實例可能勾起妳刻意封存的悲傷回憶,但只要循著本書的脈絡:了解媽媽的公主病→了解公主媽媽的勢力範圍→了解自己受媽媽影響所衍生出的生命困境……最後,讓作者以淺顯易懂、具體可執行的步驟,幫助妳從傷害關係中康復,妳將能夠自我保護、獲得新生!


◆國內專家.好評推薦◆


為什麼近年母愛議題的書會受到關注,因為受到關係傷害的女兒們真的很多。也許台灣的母親與美國的母親在觀念上有很大的不同,但女兒心裡的傷是相同的。


我很同意作者一開始強調的,我們討論的目的不在持續怨恨與發洩,而在療癒自己。如果妳沒有為人母,那麼妳需要藉由這本書來被支持,被撫平,然後才會知道這樣的自己仍值得愛與被愛;如果妳已為人母,更需要這本書提醒自己,拒絕傳承不當的關係,做個不同於母親的母親。


本書作者就是這樣的一個女兒,她從經驗與專業中分享了許多覺察的方式,直接而坦率的點出問題,說出妳心中想說卻不敢對母親說的話,就算妳的母親並不是作者所陳述的類型,但在「如何成為自己的主人」這件事上絕對值得參考。

——南琦/臨床心理師,著有《爸媽何必太正經》


人不完美,母親也是。也許妳的母親不見得是有強烈自戀傾向的「公主媽媽」,這本書仍然值得妳好好閱讀,因為在成長的過程中,我們都需要「哀悼那個我們從未擁有過的理想媽媽」——辨識母親對我們無所不在的影響,然後脫離母親的軌道,走出自己身心健康的人生道路。透過本書作者的親身經驗與深厚的專業基礎,妳將可以得到心靈支持與可實際運用的好方法。

——黃惠萱/臨床心理師,著有《愛媽媽,為什麼那麼難?》 




出版社 橡樹林文化 (城邦)

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